Saying Goodbye to My 20s

This is it. I'm embarking on the last week of my 20s. My 30th birthday is saturday so I thought it might be a good time to reflect on the last decade, who I was, who I am, and a few things I might have learned along the way.

You know, it's a funny thing, getting older. Yes I realize that I'm not OLD, per say but I am getting OLDER and this does funny things to you. For instance, when I was 20 I remember thinking about what it would be like to be 30 someday. At that time it seemed so far off in the future as to be incomprehensible. I've never been one to have a set planned future so I'm definitely not facing 30 feeling like a failure or as if I haven't accomplished what I thought I would accomplish. I do however remember thinking that by 30 I would have everything all figured out. Boy was I wrong! Life can really throw you some curve balls in that area.

This past year has been HARD. This is not an overstatement. The things that I've gone through are very personal so I won't share them in detail. I've learned a lot about myself and about my relationships. I use to have a ton of friends or acquaintances, now I'm happy to have a couple very close friends. Andrew and I finally have a mature relationship and a very deep love and respect for one another. He is my rock and the highlight of my day. Relationships grow up and mature as you grow up and mature. That has been a very nice side effect of growing older.

I've also come to a place of acceptance in my life. Acceptance has taken shape in a lot of places. I used to be very hard on myself and on my body. I was very judgmental of my body if it wasn't exactly the perfect size or the perfect shape. I was constantly disappointed with myself if I didn't run my set race time. I continually felt like a failure. Now, I've learned to accept myself. I can push myself hard when I run or workout but I can also do it simply for the shear enjoyment of it. I'm OK if there is a little bit of jiggle around my waist. My boobs will never be big and that's OK too. I'm learning to let go of perfection in favor of balance. If I want to have a brownie sundae and a glass of wine than damnit I'm going to enjoy it, guilt free.

I've also come to realize that sometimes people don't like me and that's OK. My profession, personal training, is well, very PERSONAL. There have been times in the past in which I didn't have a good fit with a client and for one reason or another they decided to let me go as their trainer. Initially I took this to heart as a personal assault on who I was. Today, I chalk it up to the fact that some personalities just don't jive. It's not a direct reflection of me as a person nor is it a direct reflection of my skill as a personal trainer.

Another word that comes to mind is appreciation. I appreciate things much more than I did when I was in my early 20s. I use to take my family and friends for granted. Now I realize how important they are. I really appreciate simple moments; a walk to the coffee shop with my husband on a crisp saturday morning, a trip to the local bakery with my father, lounging on the couch with my mom, taking a walk on the bike path with my in-laws,a night out with girlfriends. I greatly appreciate my husband who has been my constant cheerleader and support as I forged my way as a small business owner over the last 5 years. My business would have failed many times without him.

The great thing about turning 30 is that I know life is still so full of possibilities. I feel like i'm standing on the cusp of self-realization. I'm looking out on the life that is before me. I can't wait to see what twists and turns it holds. I can't wait to walk it with my husband by my side. I'm not afraid of growing older. In fact, I look forward to it. I would never take back my twenties, fun as they were. I can honestly say that I can't wait for my 40th birthday and what I'll write on that day.

Here's to the life events that have shaped me into who I am. Here's to the friends and family who have brought me through the pain and the laughter. Here's to turning 30 and not looking back!